She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
