last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
