the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
