I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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