He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
