Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
