Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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