Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
