Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Are we still banned from the library?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
