that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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