and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
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