Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
