ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
