i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
