it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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