First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
