I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize