I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
