that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
