ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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