I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
