He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
