can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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