I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
