We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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