so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
