Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
