I smell stomach acid.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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