I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
