Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
