I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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