i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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