you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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