Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
