Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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