i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
