I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
