My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
