Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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