ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
