there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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