don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
