I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
