Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were trust falling into bushes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
