Kiss
Puke
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
