The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
