I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
