i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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