She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize