wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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