Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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