dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my shit smells like andre
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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