At least make sure they are 18
Why
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
