i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
