he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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