you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
