Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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