hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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