so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
