i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
