I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
