i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
