That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
