you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
