Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
