is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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