Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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