I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
