Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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