ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
