What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
