i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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